09 May 2008

Not-quite-so-craft-related

OK, this can't really be considered crafty.... unless you call spider killing a craft...
I am really terrified of spiders. To the point of making a total idiot of myself. Early Monday, (the kids were off school for a 'bank holiday') and they were upstairs cleaning their rooms, or at least pretending to. Katherine, my oldest, comes to tell me she can't clean any longer because there was a medium-ish spider in her room on her princess canopy near the ceiling. (she did actually say medium-ish). After listening to her whine for a bit I went to check it out and OH MY GOODNESS. Disgusting, black, hideous, monster-of-a-spider. What can I do????? I can't leave it, because then it would disappear and I would have to move. SO, I call my friend Patti. (that's what friends are for, right?). She tells me to get my spider spray (she bought it for me a while back, isn't she nice?). So, standing precariously on this little rocker in my girls' room I spray the sucker. He falls and crawls under their playhouse thing. Great. I call Patti back. She says I HAVE to move the house and get the spider. Great. I tell her I won't because it will run at me. She promises me it won't. So, it starts to run out, I spray (and scream- A LOT) and it runs under the house again, (not sure if it is because the spray or the screaming). Then, I BRAVELY move the house and guess what??? IT CAME RUNNING RIGHT AT ME. My friend Patti LIED!!! Now, yes, I am still on the rocker, but still - it was running right at me!!!!!!! I started screaming and spraying nasty, stinky chemicals in its direction. Meanwhile, my girls had been standing by the door and they both FREAK OUT and run into the boys' room and I hear my oldest screaming and my 2 year old crying and saying, "scare me, scare me!". The monster-of-a-spider makes it to the safety of an empty box and disappears. I immediately start laughing. I realize how totally ridiculous I am being, but I can't help it and by this point I think I am high on spider-spray fumes. Still perched on the rocker I make my 7 year old bring me in a big stick so I can move the box. (my 2 year old is still crying in the next room) Then, screaming again, I spray it until it crawls to the safety of the shoe rack(and by crawls, I mean drags its half dead, withering body). Then I shut the door to the room, declared it off limits and had my lying friend Patti come and carry the body away. Ewwww.
So, here is a picture of it....
Keep in mind, it was doused with chemicals and shrank considerably upon death. I would have take a picture of it alive, but I am not crazy.
I have recovered from the shock. My kids will get there eventually. Poor Elena, my 2 year old, had to "go nakie in her bankie" for the rest of the afternoon to recover. (that is her speak for stripping off all her clothes and wrapping up in her blankie. She finds this unusually comforting... I would post a pic because she is sooo cute, but some people are freaks).
I did learn two very important lessons, though..... #1 Don't listen to Patti. #2 if I am being bludgeoned to death in my home, no matter how loudly I scream, my neighbors will NOT call the police.

And, just to add in some craftiness to this horridly long post... here is a pic of some of the yarn my mom bought for me. Isn't she awesome!?

8 comments:

Joanna said...

ROTFLM-TUSH-O!!!!!!!!!

Marie said...

Oh my gosh! That sounds really tramatic! I felt really bad for laughing so hard :) what kind of spider was that?

Johanna said...

ROFL!! I used to also be deathly afraid of spiders, but as soon as my children showed a fear of spiders, I was instantly cured for their sake. The funny thing is, I went from screaming, hiding, and calling Jerry in to take care of all spiders to embracing them. Now my kids come to me and say, "There's a spider in the playroom!" and my response is usually, "Oh, good. They eat lots of other bugs!" I don't even always go kill it. I don't know if that is an acceptance of them or laziness...I have also embraced the in-house lizzards. Afterall, they eat spiders. And with our ill-sealed house, they get in a lot. They're kind of cute, actually!

Tina said...

Johanna that is just sick. I am not sure if we can even be friends....
Or wait... maybe we can be BEST Friends and then when I move back to the US you can come take all my spiders away????
I try really hard not to freak out, but I just to busy screaming...

Johanna said...

Boy, just because I embrace the 8-legged among us...just think, maybe I can rub off on you a bit and you will also learn to at least kill said spiders with a shoe or a paper towel or something! A strong vacuum could come in handy too! :)

Joanna said...

Did you check out the vocab? Bludgeoned. Wow, good job, Tina!!

sue said...

That spider does look quite big. I always get my partner to kill ours. The only ones we dont kill are huntsmens. The redbacks, white tailed spiders and the garden spiders all get squished and flushed in the toilet to make sure they never return.

Joanna said...

Alright, so huntsman spiders you don't kill because they eat insects and don't really bite humans, from what I read. But I also read that they can get up to 9.8-11.8 inches??? AAAAHHHHHHH. I'm not sure that spider could eat enough insects to save it from the bug spray or the bottom of my shoe. AAAAHHHHHHHHH!