28 June 2007
That's kind of what I've been feeling like. I'm trying out this whole working mom thing, which is kinda stressful right now with my ridiculous commute. I know it will get better when we live so close to the metro and I will be commuting only one hour a day instead of four, but I've been feeling a little alone. And then this whole knitting thing. I actually finished the fingerless glove, but ripped about a quarter of it out because it was weird. And I haven't touched it since. And then I started to wonder if you guys will even care since you love fabric and not yarn. Basically, I was feeling sorry for myself, about pretty much everything in life. Then I realized that I have to snap out of it. I borrowed some books from the library about organizing, time management and motherhood. I started with two books: Organing From the Inside Out by Julie Morgenstern and The Mommy Wars by I Forget Her Name. The Mommy Wars is actually pretty good, it has a bunch of short stories about woman who made different mothering choices and what they were happy and unhappy about. Then I thought that maybe I should start to read books like I used to read in high school. Books about people who have it worse off than me. People who make me feel ashamed for being so self-centered and dismissing all that I am blessed with. I was searching on Amazon for books like Death Be Not Proud, which was my favorite book in high school and ran into Flowers For Algernon by Daniel Keyes. This book is really great so far. It's a fiction book about this retarded guy who gets a brain surgery that makes him really smart, but eventually he starts to realized that his "friends" are really not his friends and make fun of him and then it goes downhill. I think I will be a more successful reader if I stick to these types of books rather than trying to force myself to read classics. Anyway, I just ran into this sentence in - "She said for a person who God gave so little to you did more than a lot of people with brains they never even used." Not sure why but it seriously made me cry. To think that sometimes I just ruin things by thinking too much about them, or making things so much more complicated than they really are. It's more than that though. Just makes me think that maybe I could be doing more, should be doing more and I shouldn't make myself blind by overanalyzing things. Anyway, I know this doesn't have anything to do with crafting and I am the worst craft blogger on the planet. But I hope you love me anyway and will continue to be patient. Someday I really will knit something and post a picture of it.